*Disclaimer: the following post contains information that may be upsetting to individuals who are or have previously been struggling with eating disorders*
When you're struggling with an eating disorder, being alone makes it so much harder to resist engaging in it. Especially when there's a lock down. Especially when you're a student and there is no one checking up on you. Especially when you live alone. Especially when no one can see you.
While most people know what bulimia is, not so many are familiar with binge eating disorder. Binge eating means eating large amounts of (often high-caloric) food, just like with bulimia. The difference is that people who have binge eating disorder don't over-exercise, purge, or engage in any other 'compensatory' behaviour. That means binge eating often leads to (rapid) weight gain. But it doesn't have to. And it's not always noticeable.
When you're a 'healthy' weight, doctors don't take your eating disorder seriously. They tell you that it's 'normal' to eat unhealthily and irregularly when you're a student. That it's so common for students to gain weight. As long as you're BMI is in the green, no one takes you seriously. But that doesn't mean your struggle is any less real or less serious!
Now that we're on lock down and GP's offices are closed, it's even harder to get help or even a diagnosis. This can make you feel scared, unnoticed, and like you're not important. Especially when there is so much going on with corona virus, you may think that your struggles with food are less serious. Like you have to keep it a secret, especially now that your family and friends are so worried about other things. But no! YOU are just as important as anyone else! Your STRUGGLES are just as serious as anyone else's. Your voice deserves to be heard. You deserve to open up. And you're allowed to ask for help.
I know it's hard not to think about food, especially when you're alone at home all day. I know it's hard to concentrate on your studies when you can't go out but all you want to do is buy junk food. I know it's hard to resist ordering take out when it's so easy to do - especially now. I know. It's hard. And it's okay to feel like crap. It's okay to be upset. It's okay to cry. But you should NEVER feel like you can't talk about what's going on. You don't have to talk to your family, if you think they won't understand. It's your choice whom you want to tell and how much. As long as you feel safe doing so.
And let go of toxic energy and information. If your self-isolation means that you scroll through social media all day, maybe think about turning off your phone for a day. Seeing all these 'perfect' people with their seemingly perfect lives doesn't help you feel better about yourself. You don't have to look like them. You should never strive to. The only thing you should strive to be is happy with who you are. Talking to someone about what you're going through is the first step to get out of the vicious cycle of overeating and feeling like a failure. Even if you just write it down first. It helps. You may have to be alone right now, but you don't have to do this on your own. You can contact me using the contact form. If you want to talk to a professionally trained counselor or a trained volunteer, please use the links below. We are all in this together. It's okay not to be okay. It's okay if the reason for you struggling isn't corona virus. Your story is just as important!
Talking EDs: https://www.eatingdisorderscotland.co.uk