Trigger warnings: references to body shaming, body image, disordered eating
What is body shaming? Body shaming means criticising or humiliating someone's body in any way. This can include negative comments or actions regarding someone's body size or shape. BUT it doesn't have to be external! What I mean by that is body shaming doesn't have to be expressed by another person. More often than not we shame our OWN bodies. We might not even realise that we're doing it. Ever looked in the mirror after a meal and thought "Wow, my stomach is super fat right now."? And after that you felt shitty about yourself for the rest of the day? That's also body shaming. If you criticise your body for how it looks, whether you mean to or not, your shaming it for not being something else.
Who can be affected? Literally anyone. We live in a society where how we look seems to be more important than how we feel. I know people who've been body shamed for being "too skinny", for being "too fat", for being "curvy in the wrong places", even for being "too tall" or "too short". Body shaming often affects teenagers, as that's the time of exploration, so it's usually the time we first become aware of beauty "ideals". But it can happen at any point in life and all ages, all genders, all colours of beautiful people are affected.
Why is body shaming bad? Well, let me give you an example. I hit puberty quite early. I had always been the tallest girl in my class, since I can remember. When I was 12 I got my first bra. Not because I wanted it or because it was fashionable. No, I actually needed a bra. When I was 12, my then best friend told me that she was glad her hips weren't as wide as mine. That she was glad her breasts weren't as large as mine. Because for whatever reason, she believed that to be bad. And, being a teenager and relying in my friends' opinions, I then believed that too. So I wore over-sized jumpers and jackets to school, just to hide that I was blooming. When I was 14, most girls had finally caught up and showed some form of bodily changes, too. I wore short and tight clothes again, but never really too revealing. I was told by boys that my ass was "too big" and that, generally, I wasn't "girly" enough (whatever that means).
I'd never thought too much about how I looked or what I wore. But all those comments got me thinking that there must be something wrong with how I look. That there was something wrong with my body. Something wrong with me. I had bloomed but was still slim, yet I started counting the food I ate. It started with only allowing myself one sweet (and yes, that literally meant one piece of chocolate or one single haribo) per day. Until I was 16.
After my first breakup I gained quite a lot of weight, which led to others (even friends and family) telling me how "fat" I was, how I "needed to go on a diet". Yes, I was even told that I had no right to talk about healthy food because I surely didn't get that fat by eating healthily.
The continued body shaming from others led to me body shaming myself for years. I just didn't realise I was doing it. I thought I was doing something "healthy" by shaming by body and weight gain. I thought I was being "healthy" when I started exercising 5 times a week and when I started calorie counting. And well, I lost the weight. But I wasn't happy. And I most certainly was not healthy.
So there you have it. Body shaming is harmful. It hurts our self-image, it hurts the way we look at our bodies. It leads to us not appreciating all the beautiful things our bodies allow us to do. It can even lead to full-blown mental health disorders, often including eating disorders and self-harm. What your body looks like doesn't matter. It's how you FEEL in it, that matters. And EVERYONE deserves to feel beautiful, sexy, strong, and all other positive things you want to be in the body you have. I'm not at all saying that loosing or gaining weight is bad. Sometimes it's necessary to heal your body, your organs, or even to survive. I'm not against going on a diet for a short time to fit in your favourite dress gain. But I AM against constant messages of (especially) women having to be skinny or "curvy in the right places" to be beautiful. Hell no! All bodies are beautiful. You shouldn't have to diet or selectively work out your glutes and abs to feel beautiful just because society tells you that that's what beautiful means. Because eventually you might end up doing more harm to your body and mind than you'd do good.
So how can we stop body shaming? First of all, tell yourself that you are worthy. Often when we shame our bodies, we are actually feeling insecure about something else. We might fear being rejected or that we might not "fit in". Telling yourself that you are worthy and that you are enough might make those underlying insecurities a little bit smaller.
Secondly, when you have a particularly bad day or moment, touch your body. Lovingly touch those parts of your body you think are not perfect. If it helps you, close your eyes, so you really appreciate your body without focusing on what it looks like.
Thirdly, do what feels good to you! That can be anything from wearing clothes that make you feel sexy, to drinking your favourite smoothy, or taking a nice warm shower. Feeling good is the key to appreciating your body.
And finally, it's extremely helpful to surround yourself with positive vibes. Unfollow people who make you feel anxious or bad about yourself. Don't interact with people who body shame you. Maybe put your phone away, so you can't compare yourself to others so much. Speak to people who appreciate you for who you are.
I think I'm body shaming / being body shamed and it's upsetting me... If you feel like you need some help or positive inspiration to stop body shaming or to help someone who is being body shamed, check out these resources and inspiring people!
LIVE TO BE! (Subscribe for blog posts below or leave me a message if you feel like it!)
Comments